Welcome to Good Hurts!

Good Hurts is dedicated to the best hurts on Earth: spicy foods.
I'm Russell. I teach English, write poetry, but most importantly, I am a spice aficionado and I dedicate myself to categorizing, reviewing, and torturing myself with the spiciest foods and sauces this great world has to offer, all so you can know about the most brutal, benevolent, and best bangs for your buck. Email me at hotfreakrussell@gmail.com


Enjoy, and feel the burn.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

One person's sauce is another person's grenade


Very exciting hot pepper news has emerged from Gauhati, India today!

The Indian military plans on using ghost peppers to fight baddies!

If I ever run out of hot sauce, I know I can just bring my leftover pizza crusts, burritos, rice + beans, hummus, and basically everything else in my fridge to India and then commit a serious crime that ends in a police standoff. I'll bet one of those grenades would be plenty for even the most hardcore of chiliheads.
-Russell

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Marie Sharp's Habanero Hot Sauces: Finger lickin'/hurtin' good!

Proud products of Belize...Marie Sharp's makes'em. Just ask their website, a shockingly simple, easy to navigate page that lays out the humble history of their family business. But is simplicity bliss? The short answer is yes, and the long answer involves habaneros, fresh veggies, and vibrant near-Caribbean tropical flavor! This is a first for Good Hurts...two hot sauces at once. But mark my words, the sauces are both variations on a theme: excellence.


Let's look at the facts: Founded in 1980 by it's namesake Marie Sharp, whose hot sauces were the talk of her neighbors and friends, Marie Sharp's has grown from her kitchen to a factory in Dangriga, Belize with over 20 employees and international sales. But don't let this rags-to-riches story of the American (well, Belizian) dream fool you: the business is run by Mrs. Sharp and her husband Gerald and swears by high quality and attention to detail. It shows in this, their most simple of sauces: Hot Habanero and Fiery Hot Habanero.



Good Hurts: Belize, for suckers who aren't in the know, is in Latin America, comfortably nudged along Guatemala and Mexico. However, pepper heads will note the proximity to the Caribbean not because they are more geographically inclined, but because they can smell the sweet citrus fire of Scotch Bonnet habaneros. These are this humble reviewer's favorite peppers, and this may be the best regular hot sauce for them.
HOT HABANERO: Not too hot but definitely not tame, this sauce is like that one dependable horse you in the stable that's strong and faithful but retains its wild animal edge. The habanero hurt is muted but it's a sauce that's much hotter than an average hot sauce and it won't let you down. This is a great sauce for people looking to transition from normal hot sauce to the wild world of fiery fury in a non-frilly, gimmick-free way.
FIERY HOT HABANERO: Still frill-free, still flavorful, but a heck of a lot hotter. This is one that will leave your lips and tongue burning and shaking. This is the one with more heat for the hotheads looking for Scotch Bonnet goodness!

Flavor: The Scotch Bonnet is an amazing product of the planet Earth; native to the Caribbean, the hot pepper is a habanero with a sweeter, brighter flavor. It's easy to cook with and the insane may be prone to eating them raw. These sauces are clones: exactly the same flavor, different levels of heat. How much can you handle? Both are bright orange, just like the pepper, and the flavors of lime juice, onion, and carrot are just subtle enough to round out the heat of the pepper while keeping its flavor bold and citrusy. Both a pulpy and thick like a watery puree. Everything in this sauce tastes market fresh. I think this sauce should be a staple in anyone's cupboard who wants something less savory; picante sauces often taste like tomatoes or savory red chilies, and Louisiana sauces have vinegar at the forefront. Think of this as a hot orange pepper sauce, sweet and filled with delicious veggies that aren't green.

Availability: Theses sauces are available...where crazy amounts of hot sauce are sold. It's a small business despite it's inspirational growth, so I recommend you find it online or search the nearest hot sauce emporium. If you like hot sauce and are sick of of the over-savory or watery, this sauce is for you!

Good for: The sky is the limit here, as it is with any truly excellent sauce. I liberally dump it on Mexican foods like chips, burritos, tacos, and even avocado salads. I drench my pizza in it. And what would scrambled eggs be without a lift of sweet pepper goodness? Nature knows exactly the right amounts of sweetness to put in fruits and veggies, so you can go wild with these sauces and STILL not overdo it.

Review (for both sauces)
Heat: **3/4 (Hot) ***3/4 (Fiery Hot)
Flavor: *****
My Review: 9.3/10

The only difference between these sauces is heat; what they have in common is masterful flavor and gorgeous color. Marie Sharp's should be truly proud of these sauces, but something tells me they already are.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tabasco Garlic Pepper Sauce: 'Nuff Said

This is Tabasco with garlic in it.

Let's look at the facts: This is Tabas...oh, I said it already. Well, that's what you need to know.
This is Tabasco with garlic in it.

Good Hurts: Actually, Tabasco sells the fact that this sauce is less spicy than their original sauce. The original sauce can be slightly spicy for hot heads in massive quantities, so this sauce is gonna take gallons to nail the real freaks. For everyone else, I recommend not expecting anything than what's on the label. There is almost nothing hot about this sauce.

Flavor: At it's best, this is like a heavier, thicker, slightly more smelly Sriracha, a garlicy and bright pepper blend. At worst, this is the tang of Tabasco brought down by garlic. Garlic is a funny thing with hot sauce...it can really overpower a flavor, but it can, if used sparingly, add savory notes to savory sauces. This really, really tastes like garlic. I'd recommend it in place, perhaps, of garlic when cooking.

Availability: Where Tabasco products are sold. On Earth. This sauce, strangely, is the one I've seen least frequently when it comes to Tabasco. However, after a week of Tabasco reviews, you should get the gist.

Good for: Here's the most important part of this review; the garlic is so powerful, yet there's the slightest tangy zings of the pepper mash Tabasco knows and loves so well. It's a sharper garlic sauce, and it amazingly skirts the problem many garlic based sauces have of ending up tasting like chalk. I think this is best in Bloody Marys! Why not? It's slightly spicy and has a garlic flavor that would go wonderfully with tomato. Also, I say liberally dump it in tomato soup for a hearty grilled cheese companion. This sauce is decent on its own, but much better paired with a powerful pal.

Review:
Heat: 1/2 star
Flavor: *1/2
My Review: 4/10

Do it for your tomatoes. Otherwise, be ready for a garlic flavor that, as most garlic tends to do, runs the show when it comes to good hurts.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Tabasco Habanero Sauce: Tabasco turns up the heat


There are two types of people in this world.
Actually, there are many types. You can break my classification of two different types into a nearly endless stratum...but before I've even gotten to the review, I've digressed.
There are two types of people in this world:
People who like Topple and people who don't.
This, of course, isn't entirely true; some people enjoy the intensity, dexterity, and competition associated with Topple. Still others like the game but prefer to stand on the sidelines and watch. Then there are some that want nothing to do with the game. Is this sauce a well-balanced winner, or is it toppled in its own crazy heat and crazy blends of flavor?

Let's look at the facts: 
Of course, this is a metaphor for Tabasco's Habanero sauce. It's not as delicious as their Chipotle sauce, but it's easily as daring. However, the good folks on the modern day Island of Dr. Moreau, McIlhenny Co.'s Avery Island, have stepped big-time out of their comfort zone of traditional Louisiana sauce to making a much hotter "Jamaican style" sauce. Their website claims that "mango, papaya, and more" to create a "Caribbean touch to any dish you're serving." However, Tabasco needs to make sure people know the special secret; this tastes like Tabasco, except it's super, super, super spicy. However, after the nuclear pepper fallout clears, little dots of a unique flavor begin to trickle in.

Good Hurts: It's Tabasco, but really hot. I'm really trying to be kind here; Tabasco is a tasty sauce that I've said before seems more akin to the UK's love of vinegar than it is about murdering your baby taste buds. This sauce is a brave new frontier for Tabasco: a sauce way too hot for the masses their traditional sauce holds so much footing with. It's a blistering, tongue ravaging heat, the kind that usually accompanies habaneros. This is truly Tabasco's olive branch to the mouths of the hottest hot freaks out there.

Flavor: This is a very funny sauce when it comes to this category. The ingredients are eclectic, ranging from tamarind and papaya paste to regular Tabasco sauce, tomato paste, onion, and garlic. Like a veritable bottle of Topple, this hot sauce balances average Tabasco sauce with an insane amount of heat for the brand, followed by waves of tropical ingredients to try and balance it out. What works is that this sauce is really hot and has subtle notes of sweet flavor after the dust has settled from the tremendous heat; what doesn't work is that "caribbean flavor," as the Scotch Bonnett has a vibrant, bright sweetness like an orange or yellow pepper. Because so many savory things, like garlic, onion powder, and liberal amounts of salt and vinegar dominate this sauce, it's gonna taste a lot like Tabasco. But much hotter.

Availability: This sauce seems to be hardest to find of the "new breed" of Tabasco's products, but it's part of the gauntlet Tabasco throws down on their site: demand it and it shall be in your store in no time. 

Good for: This spicy sauce is excellent for livening up soups and chili, I think, because it has classic combinations of savory and spice, like it's much older brother. Don't hold your breath waiting for a sweet, happy, tropical experience. Use this sauce as you would Tabasco, but hotter. Seriously. I know I repeat this again and again, but this sauce could easily be used to prank someone who thinks Tabasco's normal sauce is really hot.

Review:
Heat: ****
Flavor: **
My Review: 7.3/10

For Tabasco flavor with heat from the other side of the tracks, get yourself a bottle O habanero!